Oh very young, what will you leave us this time? Mentoring, movies, and mental health
My beloved daughter, age 4
Oh very young
what will you leave us this time
you're only dancin' on this earth for a short time
and though your dreams may
toss and turn you now
they will vanish away
like your dad's best jeans
denim blue
fadin' up to the sky
and though you want 'em to last forever
you know they never will
you know they never will
and the patches make the good-bye harder still
Yusef, the man the "once very young" knew as Cat Stevens
As time passes, those of us who are grown, and have children of our own, begin to look to our children to shape the future. But to what extent to will we give them the skills, and the internal spiritual and psychological resources to face whatever challenges may lie ahead? To what extent are we prepared to nurture them and to mentor our "very young," in ways that will help them to feel secure, and comfortable in their own skin? The world is getting increasingly complex, and is plagued with more complex, and threatening obstacles as each day passes. This complexity and these plaguing, threatening challenges and problems require creative solutions. Ours schools and colleges are increasingly making it their business to cram information into the heads of students, teaching them what to think, and not how to think. Parents are too busy to pass on skills that their parents passed on to them, musical skills, culinary skills, people skills and the link. Children are increasingly, on their own, left to figure out how to master the world.
Do you know of children, either your own, or children you've seen as a therapist, that have shown the emotional scars of neglect?
Have you observed children who appear, based on their behavior to have been well-nurtured and well-mentored by caring adults?
Over the generations, something I call cross-generational pollination, or cross-generational mentoring has become a dying art. I believe that this has created generations without a frame of reference, generations devoid of a sense of rootedness, generations that are detached, isolated and without a meaningful attachment to anything or anyone of value. The world of myspace, facebook and text messaging has created artificial communities, though we all eventually settle for them. After all, we don't ahve the luxury of time to sit around by the campfire and chat or sing, and semi-artificial or semi-pseudo sense of community is better than no connection at all.
I believe the loss of has led to a loss of individual and collective identity. I believe that this loss has led to a marked increase and intensification of a host of mental health conditions. If the "very young" are the hope of the future, then grown-ups must build bridges that allow them to cross generational barriers.
Movies offer countless examples of unbalanced, unhinged, unstable adults. The movie, Obsessed, is one such example. How could the establishment of a strong sense of identity, or a strong sense of self in the "obsessed" woman in the movie, Obsessed, inculcated in her as a child, have prevented her from developing the symptoms she displayed in the movie?
I can't control all of the forces of life that my daughter will face, but my wife (her mother) and I hope to be able to teach her those skills that our parents taught us, and to nurture and support her sense of identity.
A child that is cut off from the past, neglected by his/her caretakers, left on his/her own to find him/herself and to figure out how he/she is supposed to fit into this world, will invariably develop psychological scars. Do children start out as blank slates? I don't think so. I believe genetics play a role in creating a predisposition for the development of certain psychological problems, conditions, or, on the other hand, psychological assets. But adults can be instrumental in preventing any predispositions to mental health problems from going to fruition. By the same token, we can be instrumental in insuring that genetic predispositions towards healthy psychological functioning will take root.
Now that you've considered one factor in the prevention of mental illness, namely, nurturing via mentoring, what categories of diagnosis would you consider for the "obsessed" woman in the movie, "Obsessed," and how would you go about "reparenting" her through the corrective emotional experience afforded in the context of a supportive psychotherapeutic relationship?
Finally, in addition to movies, which bring to life certain examples of psychopathology, such examples can be found in music. What diagnosis or diagnoses would you consider for the patient depicted in this song, and how did the person in the song find relief from the anxiety expressed in the lyrics of the song?
JC Therapy
words and music by Dr. Bruce L. Thiessen, aka Dr. BLT (c) 2009
In my world of blog n roll, I provide the topics and the tunes, and now, it's time for you to talk in the comments section below.
PS: If you'd like to know the story behind this song, you can find it here:Six-string Therapy
Posted by Bruce L Thiessen Ph D at 9/22/2009 1:49 PM 
Categories: children, developmental psychology, clinical assessment
Tags: cross-generational pollination Dr BLT psychology comes alive mentoring developmental psychology movies and psychology Obsessed
Categories: children, developmental psychology, clinical assessment
Tags: cross-generational pollination Dr BLT psychology comes alive mentoring developmental psychology movies and psychology Obsessed
I have seen chidren hat have been yelled at and screamed at most of their young lives. they were timid, afraid,and stessed about what might happen next. It seem to be very hard for the children to relax.
on the other hand I have seen children who were respectful,relaxed, and calm.
Maybe she came from a single parent home with only a mom and no dad. Maybe that father figure was missing.I believed she had a Borderline Personality Disorder.I would find out what she thought about herself, how she felt about herself and what she wanted to change about herself first. then I would try to help her with her confidence.self-esteem, and self-respect to help her feel better about herself.
The song to me says things change and that we only have a short time here and though life has its ups and downs the good times are like your dad best jeans you never want them to go away,but you know that they will. And because the jeans were torn and worn out the patches make them feel like they were your best friend.
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I have seen and worked with children that have been neglected. I have had the opportunity to work and spend time with the infants and toddlers at the Homeless Shelter. Their behavior ranged from behavioral problems, insecurities, anger, and withdrawal from any emotional attachment. There was one instance, where a 5 month old child was dropped off by his mother, who had emotional problems. The child never cried. What I told was because of neglect, the child learned that crying because of hunger or discomfort did not produce a response, so the child just shut down. We made sure that he received constant contact and nurturing whenever possible. There was such a lack of attachment between mother and child. I just wonder what the outcome for that child will be. I did learn that the mother gave the child up to foster care. Hopefully, he was placed in a loving environment.
I have also observed well adjusted children. I was a substitute teacher for 12 years, so actually I saw a range or degrees of emotional development between children. The well-nurtured children have a sense of security and a strong sense of attachment to their parents and others. They develop friendships more easily, are able to concentrate, follow instructions, and an overall sense of confidence. Their emotional, social, and cognitive development are much more advanced than the neglected children.
If only all children are given the opportunity to form those healthy early attachments that are so important in the first few years of life.
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If the female character in the movie developed I strong sense of identity or self, there would never of been the hunger or warped search for attention, love, and acknowledgement. Her perception of reality was so delusional.
If she had a strong identity, her self-image (esteem), and confidence would of helped her to distinguish between acceptable and unacceptable behavior. She would of never put herself in the position that we all witnessed in the movie.
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Of course, we have all probably seen or know children who exhibited signs and symptoms of neglect and/or maltreatment and we have also seen and observed children who seem well-adjusted and well-cared for. It is always heartbreaking to me to see and hear about children who do not receive the proper care and love that they need in order to grow and mature into "normal" adults in society. It is no wonder, in my opinion, that some people turn out the way they do. If they know nothing other than neglect and abuse, how can they possibly function properly later in life?
In the movie Obsessed, there are many things that may have happened in Lisa's life that shaped her into the delusional, obsessed individual that she became. Perhaps she never had a family and stable home life and that is why she focused in on Derek and Sharon's "perfect life" and wanted so desperately to have that life as her own. There most definitely was something lacking in her life and in herself that made her become so incredibly delusional about Derek's intentions (or lack thereof) towards her. It seemed that she lacked all connection with reality at times.
One would need to be aware of the things that had led up to her current state of mind and behaviors in order to go back and try to re-parent her. But for certain, she needed to be taught to love and be happy with herself and that would enable her to then be a part of a healthy relationship with someone.
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I believe that Lisa in the movie Obsessed has a Borderline Personality Disorder. She had frantic efforts to avoid her imagined abandonment, an identity disturbance, she tried to kill herself or at least get attention from her efforts, inappropriate anger, and has severe dissociation. The way that I would go about "reparenting" her would be to first let her know that I am here for her and am not going to judge her. I would first want to explore her suicidal tendencies and help her overcome that. Then I would want to find out about her family history to see why she has these delusions with men and why she is so scared of abandonment and work with her further on those issues.
For the person in the song I would think that he was suffering from Bipolar Disorder, Most Recent Episode Depressed with Agoraphobia. I believe he is Bipolar because he's severely depressed chronically for a year, and he's had at least one manic episode or maybe more. I believe he has agoraphobia because he is anxious in a place he can't escape, he's freaking out, there is restricted travel, and he's experiencing shortness of breath with panic attacks.
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As far as re-parenting goes, I think it is important for a child to have a good self esteem. How to build a good self esteem in a child? By setting goals that she or he can accomplish and giving a child not only a sense of accomplishment, but a sense of ownership. It is important for children to also have boundaries. A child who has no boundaries can become very controlling. Teaching a child the importance of values, instills in a child a sense of respect for self and others as well. Having an authoritative style of parenting where the parent is loving yet at the same time is loving is
much better than being a permissive parent where the child rules and where the child becomes controlling to the point of being out of control.
I agree with Mark that the character in the movie could be diagnosed as Borderline personality disorder in conjunction with Delusional disorder/ Erotomanic type. She truly believed that the man was in love with her.
Cross-generational Pollination- I find great value in learning from past generations and passing on traditions to younger generations.
Mobility in today's world may one of the impediments of families sharing or spending more time with older relatives. Communication technology has taken major steps in the last 25 years. We are now able to communicate with one another from very remote places! That is great what is missing is the human contact.
As parents it is important for us to instill in our children the importance of valuing the older generation and creating opportunities for them to spend time with older relatives and talk to them about what their life was like when they were young and also to share their wisdom with a younger generation.
"People who don't cherish their elderly have forgotten whence they came and whither they go." ~Ramsey Clark
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In the movie "Obsessed", I would begin to gather the assumption that mother may have been single, raising a young girl alone. I agree with you Dr. BLT, that children not born as blank slates, rather genetically predisposed. After birth, the child's environment and nurturing play a significant role in how that child will think, act, talk, behave, etc.
The obsessed woman in the movie had some serious issues. I maybe inclined to think of some reactive attachment disorder of early childhood. She appeared to cling to him, and possibly others but it was not shown, displaying an excessive familiarity with a relative stranger. I believe I am easy to get along with and have no problem making connections, either personal or business, but this appeared to be a little inappropriate. I would also entertain the idea that maybe she was left with many people at an early age to have developed such an indiscriminate sociability with strangers.
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Gabriel, I hope you don't mind that I cut your comment and I'm posting it here, as it ended up under a blog post that doesn't address the movie.
9/24/2009 8:51 PM Gabriel Diaz wrote:
I think the obsessed woman played so wonderfully by Ali Larter would be diagnosed with Axis I Delusional Disorder, Erotomanic type, with an Axis II of either Histrionic Personality Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder. The reason for this is that Ali's character did belief in herself that a romance did exist. however, since the romantic delusions she had were non-bizarre she wouldn't be considered Schizophrenic, but instead simply delusional. and since her delusions were of a romance that did not exist with a belief in non-occurring scenarios and misinterpretation of interpersonal interactions I would say this is dead on for being Erotomanic type. and as far as a personality disorder I lean towards Histrionic as Ali was very eccentric in her behavior and overly dramatic with the intent to get a certain type of attention or reaction. I could see how one would think she is Borderline, however, only half of the Borderline type was portrayed in the movie. It showed how Ali quickly felt attached to a person, but it didn't show how she was unusually detached from others, or fall out of attachment with her love interest. She actually acted relatively normal with other people, in fact if not for Beyonce attacking her in the end she would not have even been violent, though granted it was likely to happen eventually down the road, but still that was not showcased in the movie so there is a weak case for BPD.
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In the movie Obsessed,Lisa was a very crafty women, as well as very talented and organized in her work life. It seemed that in her work life she was able to control her view of her world. By having that semblance of control she was able to function fairly well. Sometimes I have seen clients and other people who depending on their home life, which they cannot control, need to be able to have a tight control and be so well organized in their work life. This control makes them seem to give them the tie to their realty that they need to be able to continue to live. I agree with Mark, that Lisa could have Reactive Attachment Disorder of Infancy or Early Childhood. As she was able to attach herself to strangers so easily. But along with that she also seemed to display a possible brief psychotic disorder with delusions. Could it be that the break up with the last boyfriend was the stressor that lead her to have her break from reality and now wanted what Sharon had with Derek? As a therapist seeing Lisa, you would need to search in her past childhood for any issues she had. These issues would then be viewed and discusses during the therapy sessions, and all the while insuring to reassure Lisa she is not alone in her feelings. And that feelings are a good thing, but at the same time explore her thought on feelings and how they needed to stay inside boundaries. The song was excellent, and it seems to tell the tale of a man with mixed feelings but yet trying to sort them out and come to terms with his feelings. Dr. BLT your
cross-generational mentoring is a treatment plan that I have been using but never had a name. Like your dancing being authetnified. I have always and still continue to teach my children and my godchildren the value or traditions of a family as welll to the extended family. The ways of our family, such as cooking, greeting of family, the kissing of cheek, the handshake, or hug. The various cooking traditions for the holidays, as well as the arts and crafts for holidays, birthdays and special days. These need to be taught, and if one of the many friends of the children pickup the tradition then the cross-generational mentoring was successful. This then starts the cycle of love and tradition and family values instead of the cycle of violence we see in many of our clients and their children's lives.
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I decided to break from the tradition of providing only the tunes and the topic, and actually join in on the talk this time around. I would have to say that the first time I saw this movie, I recognized certain patterns that were consistent in the obsessed woman in with Borderline Personality Disorder, but the second time I saw it, it occurred to me that the casual manner in which she was willing to tell bold-faced lies, her blatant disregard for the law, and her willingness to kill, even when given a chance to have her life saved, were more consistent with an Antisocial Personality Disorder. In terms of the delusional disorder that you have proposed, Gabriel, she does appear to certainly be delusional in many respects, but also, there are points in which what may appear to be delusional is actually an attempt to delude others. There is nothing black and white in this character that allows one to make definitive diagnoses. None of her behavior fits the perfect profile that one might associate with any given diagnosis. Great responses, everyone!
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Unfortunately, in my field, I have seen many children who display the "emotional scars of neglect." It is heart-wrenching! It is sad to me that children of physical abuse are more readily responded to than those of neglect, despite the higher incidence of neglect. Neglect is the "silent assault," as I call it. You can't see it being done, but you can see it's aftermath. Children without attention, without mentors, lack social skills and practical life skills. They may have a roof over their head, be free of physical bruises, and be provided food and shelter, but are they really better off? These children are ill-equipt to face the challenges of life and are doomed to repeat the cycle.
What is hardest for me to see are the young teen mothers on my caseload. I work with 15 emancipated foster youth, half of which are mothers under the age of 20 - some with more than one child. I know they had no mothers and am not surprised that they do not know how to be one. I, then, consider it an honor to be able to mentor them and teach them how to mother, to teach, to mentor. While it may not be 100% successful, I know I am helping break the cycle of neglect and that is a cool thing.
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Children are the future’s most important asset. They are vitally important to our society, culture. In the working with children who are the victims of abuse and neglect, it is amazing how even the adults in these impressionable children’s lives who have abused or neglected the children have a strong bond that it is difficult to break. This proves that young susceptible individuals are like sponges that absorb all aspects of their surroundings.
Mentoring and providing a strong sense of individual identity is critically essential. I believe in providing children with “roots and wings.” That is, a strong foundation with core values as well as the independence and freedom to tailor and develop this foundation to their own personal vision and desire. It is important to be examples and to teach by modeling, but it is nearly as important for children to develop their own unique identity and to have the opportunity to make decisions and mistakes that can be learned from.
In instances where trauma occurs and children are impressioned by adults in negative or unhealthy ways, it can become the role of a therapist, or even a mentor to re-parent, or remold and teach, the child a new way of being. The unique thing about being a child is the only thing that is known is one’s own experiences. With this in mind, as adults, examples, mentors, and therapists it may become our role at some point to expose a child to healthy and meaningful experiences that may contrast what they have experienced in their own life.
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The absence of a strong sense of identity is at the core of the borderlines’ problem. Individuals with this problem are so empty that they must seek out others to fill the void within. This is the reason that they will cling (often literally) to another individual. I don’t believe that anyone with a strong sense of who they are, or who they are becoming, would present with the kind of symptoms that the woman did in “Obsessed”. When you know who you are you do not need others to reinforce your identity. But, is this woman simply a borderline? I thought she showed signs of several disorders all rolled up in one. I wonder (and will find out) what co-morbid disorders piggyback with borderline personality disorder.
As far as treating or “re-parenting” a bipolar, part of the process must be to show them that everything cannot be assigned a “good” or “bad” label. Often with bipolar this is a central theme; you are either with them or against them. Teaching the client that you are with them but, you also have qualities that they may not care for is one of the keys. I think that if the woman in the movie walked into my office, I would start with finding out who abandoned her in childhood.
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After giving some thought to the issue of the neglected and/or abused child, I have a couple of things to share.
First, I would like everyone to remember that often the abuser really does not understand that they are abusive. Some of these parents are simply following the parenting style that was used on them and are completely ignorant to the extent of the damage they are inflicting on their children. I am by no means suggesting that this an excuse or is always the reason behind the abuse but, in the case of adults that were abused as children, having them “understand” their abuser may help prevent them from following in those footsteps.
Second, I think that pointing out the “positive” results of this kind of mistreatment to clients is very important. By “positive” I mean highlighting the positive characteristics that may have developed due to the abusive or neglectful childhood such as resiliency, ingenuity, insight into behavior, etc. In doing this, I believe that the therapist is saying to the client “you are not all bad because of your experience.” This can help the client find the meaning in his/her abusive experience. I believe that all humans are ultimately searching for the meaning in life, whether they know it or not!
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Wow, these blogs always seem so loaded with questions and aspects to think about that I sometimes don’t know where to begin!
As for emotionally scarred children, I have seen it as a counselor on many occasions. Children who have been “thrown away” by their birth parents, only to travel from one foster parent to another to another. A young teenage girl who told me she saw her mother being murdered and went to live with an aunt who supposedly told her that she didn’t want her. How are these children learning the skills of how to be upstanding citizens, for lack of a better term? It seems as though these kids are just learning how to survive and nothing else – no social skills, limited academic skills and so forth. This is just my own, personal opinion but I still find it amazing that we have to take a test to drive a car but people can reproduce whenever and with whomever they want and then so whatever they want with their children.
I also agree that children do not start out as blank slates. I do believe that my son is a product of nature AND nurture. I will try to parent him to the best of my ability but I also believe that there are some things that are out of my control (i.e. his ADHD).
As many others have mention in this thread, I also believe that the character in Obsessed could fall under the category of BPD.
-unusual levels of instability in mood
-"black and white" thinking, or splitting
-chaotic and unstable interpersonal relationships, self-image, identity, and behavior
-disturbance in the individual's sense of self.
Treating someone with BPD would be very difficult. One would have to try and make the patient realize and/or admit that their reality is skewed from what others may see/ believe. Some serious psychotherapy would need to occur. The therapist would need to assess the clients childhood and conclude if some serious trauma had happened. I don’t know mental disorders like the back of my hand but I think I can safely assume that the alternate reality that people with BPD is made up as a defense mechanism to make one feel better about a situation. In this case, the client would need to learn a different way of coping with stress.
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I believe some mental disorders are hereditary and some are the result of the environment and some are both. The woman in the movie probably had a combination of hereditary and environmental causes for her actions. The obsessed woman most likely did not have a proper upbringing and was neglected as a child. She obviously was not taught how to deal with rejection and also probably has "daddy" issues since it was a man who brought about her actions.
From my experiences children who are well nurtured and mentored are often well spoken and insightful, respectful of others and their surroundings, and outgoing. Children who are neglected may not be very talkative or respectful and they are usually shy.
I have also hypothesized from my professional experience that some disorders may be learned, for example, Autism (even though it is a spectrum disorder). I worked with a family where both the children were diagnosed with the disorder, one obviously had it, the other was more questionable because of the extraordinarily high functioning of the child. I believe the second child learned Autistic tendencies from the sibling and the mother's reactions to the two of them. The mother also had her own psychoses which may have added to the children's abnormal behaviors; which in the one child presents as probable Autism. That is one example as to why I say mental disorders are hereditary and environmental.
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